God

Today I was asked by a girl I know (who is VERY Christian) why I'm always so depressed. Upon explaining that I had basically always been this way, and that it's genetic, she began to tell me I should put my trust in God and that my life would be all peachy and awesome if I just had "faith".

I take issue with that particular sentiment. Not because I dislike Christianity (which I do), not because I take issue with the idea of "God" in the religious sense, but because faith never did anything for me. I used to believe that if I was a good little sheep, the proverbial shepherd would take care of me and my life would work itself out. I began to lose faith when I realized that nothing had ever gone better just on faith alone, that I always had to work my ass off to get there. When I was told, "God is testing your faith," I became angry. What kind of all-knowing, all-seeing deity would test someone if he already knew it would make their faith collapse? Isn't that the same as pushing them to do wrong for any reason? It's like telling someone the truth because you know it will upset them. Everyone who's on your side will say you did the right thing. Everyone who's against you will say that you are hurtful and wrong.

According to Christian theology, God created angels and humans and the earth. Now, if God is omnipotent and omnipresent, and he knows all there is or will be, that means he created humans with the knowledge that they would fall. He created angels with the knowledge that some of them would rebel and be cast out, becoming demons. In essence, some people really were created simply to go to hell. God knew that this soul would fail, and that it would go to hell but he created it anyway and then punishes it for doing exactly what he knows it will do.

This is why I'm agnostic. I'm a logical, scientific thinker. If there's no proof, I have no reason to believe in it. Now, there are those who will say that the miracle of life and the coincidences in which mankind came to be had to be divine interference, and who are we to try and disprove it. And, there are those who would say that trying to learn the truth about God is a sin, just because God said so.

I'm going to present you with a hypothetical situation, in which you are told an imaginary character said he exists and that not to believe it is worthy of eternal punishment. Now, imagine that this character, who does not exist, whose only words come from those who tell you he exists, has told you how to live your life and dictates every personal choice man has as either good or bad. So you live your life, now in fear of the imaginary man, who cannot be proven not to exist, because we do not know about everything that does exist and therefore have no way of knowing, has made questioning or learning the truth about his existence a sin. How will you ever know if this man has any actual sway over your life or soul? You aren't allowed to learn about him, you aren't allowed to question, you are just given rules written by people who want you to listen to what they want the world to be.

I'm not saying God doesn't exist, however. I'm simply saying that if God was also as forgiving and fatherly as the Christian world would like to say, he would understand that we have no way of knowing about him and he would accept that we are human and we do what we can with life.

Anyway. I'm off my religious tirade. It's 4 am in Georgia and I'm finally tired enough to sleep.

So much shit to do, so very little time in which to do it. Tomorrow's going to suck.